#997 Awesome’s Entry on Earwax

I’m just giving fair warning that the following rant will be filled with unappetizing mental images, so if you plan on eating soon, or just have an uneasy stomach, turn back now.

This says "Stop! Danger!" in Bulgarian. We hope.

This says "Stop! Danger!" in Bulgarian. We hope.

So there I was, perusing the Awesome-ness of 1000 Awesome things when I stumble upon this little doozy.

#741 When a big chunk of ear wax randomly falls out of your ear

After I removed my stomach from my throat and properly secured it back in my abdomen, I was able to fully comprehend what I just read. Once I fully comprehended what I just read, I vomited like Linda Blair on Easter Morning  after huevos rancheros.

It was just as spicy on the way up.

It was just as spicy on the way up.

Regaining my composure, I read the accompanying entry and was pleasantly surprised to see that Awesome acknowledged how truly vile that mental image was but proceeded anyway, like a semi over a squirrel on the interstate.

“like a loyal employee punching out after a hard day on the line, your earwax heads home with its lunchbox in hand after drowning dust and dirt on a double shift in your ear canal.”

Now, we here at 1000 Terrible Things will agree that a hearty hearing hole cleaning is good for you and may give the recipient some sense of hygienic accomplishment. However, never have I seen a “chunk” of earwax fall out of an ear. And if I ever did, rest assured that I would not chest bump the creator of the cerumen and wish him or her good fortune in their waxing future.

Wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles anyone?

Wax on, wax off, wax on, wax off. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles anyone?

My response would be more along the lines of “Excuse me sir, you know that funny sticky substance that lines the ear canal? Well, typically everyone’s wax remains in place until gently removed by a cotton swab or trained medical professional. Yours however, just rolled out the side of your face and it’s bigger than a breadbox. Might want to get that looked at.”

Terrible.

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1 Comment

Filed under Terrible, Uncategorized

One response to “#997 Awesome’s Entry on Earwax

  1. Jen

    I really like this blog, the humor you use is awesome. I laughed out loud.

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