#1000 Kanye West

How could you be so heartless?
"I'ma let chu finish..."

"I'ma let chu finish..."

Let’s asses the situation here. You, an established and talented hip hop artist, known for your outrageous antics and stage rushing when you don’t win an award, are sitting in the front row of MTV’s Video Music Awards. As you lounge in your drunken stupor altered state of bliss, the nominees for Best Female Video are being announced through Radio City Music Hall. The nominees included were Pink, Kelly Clarkson, Katy Perry, Lady Gaga, Taylor Swift and Beyonce.

Now I imagine you thought to yourself, “Look, no matter what, if B don’t win, I’ma take that stage and tell ’em what’s what,” and then nodded your Venetian blind sunglass-ed head and menacingly smiled at your evil, if hastily thought out, plan.

You a genius.

You a genius.

Well, the Gods did not smile on you that day my friend. Because of all the people who could have won that tin foil statue, it was this girl.

Jesus walked on water. She sits on it. With butterflies as her Apostles.

Jesus walked on water. She sits on it. With butterflies as her Apostles.

She sings country music about boys not liking her because she’s not popular and sits in the bleachers at football games. She talks with fans at concerts and plays the guitar. She genuinely cares about the well-being of others. She’s a good tipper. She likes fairy tales and rainbows. She journals. She made a parody rap video with T-Pain.  She dated a Jonas brother. Mother Theresa had more critics than her. To put it in perspective, here are the other people who could have won.

The She Beast

The She Beast

The Girl From American Idol

The Girl From American Idol

The Girl who Kissed Another Girl

The Girl who Kissed Another Girl

The Girl Who Might be a Boy

The Girl Who Might be a Boy

No dice. The country singing teenager gracefully took the stage to accept her very first VMA completely awestruck, just in time to be bitch smacked by your giant ego. Sure, we get it, you were trying to help Beyonce. She did have a great video and she is, in many circles, a holy deity. Your point was lost, however, when the camera cut to her and she looked at you with all the appreciation a high school girl has for a zit on picture day.

The whole fracas lasted only a few seconds, and yet the commotion from your disturbance seems to be never ending. You’ve turned yourself into a media sensation once again. Well played. But when the leader of the free world calls you a jackass, it’s time to sit this one out.

You, sir, are terrible.

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2 Comments

Filed under Terrible, Uncategorized

2 responses to “#1000 Kanye West

  1. jess

    i personally think kelly clarksooon was alot more beautiful about one year ago now she just to fat though no one can doubt her singing if she was not that good of a singer her would have been a travesty

  2. you can always say that Kanye West is a good singer but he will never be as good as michael jackson ~;’

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